


lance mcclain's legendary foolproof guide to seducing keith kogane in five easy steps

by kaimcclains (smallcuts)



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Fluff, M/M, Mutual Pining, Pining Keith (Voltron), Pining Lance (Voltron), Plans, incredibly moody keith, terrible plans if we're being honest, which is my fav brand of keith
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-12
Updated: 2017-04-12
Packaged: 2018-10-18 00:24:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,138
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10605435
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/smallcuts/pseuds/kaimcclains
Summary: "In an easy five step plan, he was going to get - insert a drum roll pause - Keith Kogane to fall in love with him. The title of said plan was a work in progress."-In which Lance is a man with a plan.





	

It was approximately 12 AM on a Wednesday when Lance McClain comes up with one of the best plans in the whole mcfricking universe. Seriously, Shiro and Pidge don’t have _anything_ on his planning skills.

It all started when he was seated in his room, kicking a blue ball he had stolen from a random alien’s household on one of their missions (What? He deserves rewards for being a hero of the universe and all!), when the idea had floated down to him like a hand-delivered angel coming to sing praises about him.

In an easy five step plan, he was going to get - insert a drum roll pause - Keith Kogane to fall in love with him. Lance possesses many irresistible charms and a load of charisma wrapped up into one tiny ball of human excitement, there’s no way Keith could resist! They were friends now (sorta friends. maybe friends) anyway, even if Lance desperately wished to be more. 

Scratch that. They were Best Friends with capital B and F. Bros. The bestest buds. It didn’t matter that Keith sometimes yelled at Lance for trivial things. _‘Hey, Lance, can you take your Allura-gazing over there’, ‘Lance, stop fucking up my concentration and leave’, ‘I hate you so much, Lance’’_ blah blah blah, he _knew_ Keith loves him.

Lance loves him right back. He was going to cuddle the shit out of that mullet-head when his plan worked. Shiro would be _disgusted_. Disgusted!

He procures a piece of scratch paper from his bedside drawer and tentatively scribbles out “Lance McClain’s Legendary Foolproof Guide to Seducing Keith Kogane In Five Easy Steps”. The title of said plan was a work in progress.

**Step 1.) Offer to be Keith’s official sparring partner. Let him win a few times, add in a few flourished winks. Keith was toast.**

**Step 2.) Interrogate Shiro for any possible information he was withholding about Keith. For science.**

**Step 3.) Woo him with cheesy Spanish phrases (too bad he didn’t know French, el lenguaje del amor. A real shame.) preferably with a rose in his mouth at all times.**

**Step 4.) Make him jealous by flirting with hot alien babes. Maybe male ones, so Keith is still aware that he has a chance.**

**Step 5.) Confess his undying love to Keith and make out with him because Keith will have fallen for Lance’s plethora of wiles by then and their epic love will make everyone on this ship envious as hell. He won’t make out with his new amazingly hot boyfriend in front of Hunk though, he respects his best friend.**

It was perfect! Lance smirks deviously to himself before folding the paper up and tossing it into the depths of his drawer. Tomorrow, he’d strike. Keith won’t even know what hit him.

-

_Step 1.) Offer to be Keith’s official sparring partner._

-

After a nice, big breakfast of disgusting food goo (which wasn’t that disgusting actually. Lance is willing to admit that Hunk is talented in the kitchen), he darts off to the training deck, ignoring Hunk’s request to hang out and fly their lions around. _‘Later, buddy, and I’ll make it up to you,’_ he tells himself.

Once he arrives at the deck, he easily spots Keith dodging a few jarring jabs from a training bot and an impressive front flip being performed. Lance smiles as he tilts against the wall, waiting for his friend to notice him. He does after he ends the training sequence and sends a curt nod to him.

“Keith, my man, my pal!” Lance bounds over to him and attempts to scoop him up in a bro-hug, but he’s blocked by Keith’s arm shooting out to push him away. Lance’s easy smile falters, but he quickly recovers. The plan! “How would you feel practicing your stabby fighting thing on a real guy?” He grins, pointing his thumbs to himself and cocking a hip out.

Keith looks him up and down once before stating a simple no. Lance quickly sticks his bottom lip out in what he hopes is a convincing pout. “Keithy, come o—" 

“No.” 

“But—“ 

“No.”

Lance whines — a long drawn out one that leaves Keith clutching his ears and Lance clutching his cropped red jacket. “I’ll be the best sparring partner — spartner you’ll ever have!” He wails. Keith merely raises an eyebrow at the diva behavior and shrugs Lance’s arm off him.

“Shiro exists,” replies Keith way too levelly, and damn, if that didn’t hit him where it hurt. He refuses to make eye contact with Lance, leaving Lance to awkwardly dance around him and make him meet his eyes, dammit.

“But I’m cooler!”

“No you’re not,” Keith retorts way too automatically. Lance brushes it off; Keith is perpetually spewing rude comments at him. He doesn’t think about those comments when the Castle was drifting through space at an ungodly hour of the morning (or night. Whatever) and internalize them when he was feeling particularly down. He _doesn’t_.

“Pretty please? With a cherry and tasty rainbow sprinkles on top?” He bats his eyelashes at the other male and leans in close to his face, expecting to hear those words Keith was supposed to have vocalized already. Keith coughs and takes a stumbling step back.

“No. Don’t ask me again, Lance.” Keith glares as he stalks out of the room in typical brooding-Keith fashion. Lance frowns deeply as he sinks to the floor, before hitting it with a dull thud. He probably should’ve thought this step out better. How was he supposed to know Keith would go all moody teenager on him anyway?

A nagging voice somewhere in the back of his mind tells him that he should’ve seen this coming, but he shakes it off. Right, onto step two.

Or rather, onto step two once he’s done chilling with Hunk. If anyone can cheer Lance up in the span of two seconds, it was Hunk and his huge bear arms. Seriously, he was _built_ for hugging. He embarks on his short journey to the kitchen, ready to revel in some much deserved Hunk-affection.

- 

_Step 2.) Interrogate Shiro._

-

Lance had never realized it before, but getting Shiro alone is a challenge in itself. He’s almost always discussing courses of action to take with the princess, or indulging Keith in a duel (that should be _him_ , he thinks saltily), or conversing with Pidge about the latest Galra tech to decode.

It takes a week of enduring Keith’s glares of hatred at him when Lance so much as tries to talk to the boy about sparring together and a week of Hunk talking shit about Keith behind his back in an attempt to cheer up his friend before he finally manages to corner Shiro.

“Hey, Shiro! Mind if we chat for a few minutes?” Lance requests, adding a wink for extra measure. Shiro shakes his head fondly and motions him to sit beside him on the couch.

“So, let’s say a dude lowkey has a crush on someone. But like, the someone kind of hates the dude, and has literally never complimented the dude at all, not even when he used a new face mask and better conditioner that made the dude’s hair soft as a puppy butt. What do you think the dude should do?”

Shiro looks puzzled for a few moments, eyebrows creasing once he realizes what Lance is getting at. “You like Keith?” He asks softly. Lance pinches the bridge of his nose, sighing in frustration. 

“No, yeah, it’s like all _hypothetical_ and shit. The dude likes the someone. Do you have advice for the dude to get closer with the someone?” 

“Why don’t you just tell Keith you like him?” suggests Shiro. This sounds like a basic concept, but he doesn’t understand the intricate, slightly negative relationship he and Keith share! Keith would eat him alive if Lance said ‘Keith’ and ‘like’ in the same sentence. That’s why he was working his way up to the sweet, sweet confession. He needs to get Keith all buttered up and slide into—

Lance discards that train of thought. “I can’t because he would kill me and then Hunk and Blue would miss me lots and I can’t do that to Hunk or Blue! Shiro, please think rationally!”

Shiro quirks his mouth in obvious discontentment. “It’s better to be honest with him, Lance.”

Lance jumps up and rushes out of the room, ditching Shiro, who was left scratching his head in confusion at what had just occurred. Shiro had been no help, whatsoever. He had gone in, prepared to be _assaulted_ with Shiro’s wise and other-worldly advice, only to be set up for complete disappointment. Yeah so maybe he should have given the black paladin more of a chance but Lance doesn’t feel like listening to a concept as ridiculous as reason.

Step two was a failure. Perhaps he wasn’t as good at executing this whole plan idea like he thought he was.

He storms right past Keith on his way back from the training deck, completely missing the longing glimpse Keith aims at his backside.

-

_Step 3.) Woo him with cheesy Spanish phrases._

-

“¡Hola, mis amigos! ¿Qué pasó?” Lance greets once he joins the rest of his crew at breakfast the following morning. He’d stayed up all night revising his plan and practicing his admittedly rusty Spanish skills, but if anyone asks him about his heavy bags, he’ll just claim they’re Gucci.

“Sto bene, grazie.” Hunk replies, smiling pleasantly at him. 

“Hunk, that’s Italian,” giggles Lance. His best friend consistently mixes up greeting phrases in languages (personally, Lance blames that duolingo phase Hunk went through back on Earth) and Lance would be lying if he said he didn’t burst into laughter every damn time.

“You didn’t tell us you could speak Spanish,” states Keith. Lance glances up, wide-eyed that Keith is even acknowledging his existence this early in the morning. Keith turns his head away when the staring contest becomes a bit excessive, but Lance can’t help it! He’s entered a state of unparalleled shock.

Once he snaps out of it, thanks to Hunk clearing his throat about five times and Allura stifling her amusement behind her hand, he smiles a closed-mouth smile at Keith. His lips curl up once he catches sight of the tell-tale red flush of embarrassment on the other’s cheeks.

“Oh, pero lo hago, querido amado.” Lance says, finishing it off with a few eyebrow waggles. The rest of the table stares at him cluelessly while Keith glowers at him. He silently thanks God that no one else besides Hunk knew Spanish in their team (Hunk wasn’t that advanced though, he only knew the basics). He’s free to remark whatever lewd shit he can get away with, and nobody is the wiser!

“Weeeelllll… this has been nice. Allura, would you care to come with me for a few moments?” Shiro suggests. Allura nods, and the two exit the room, deep in discussion. Lance raises a suspicious eyebrow. No wonder he’s never had a chance with Allura; no way he could even _dream_ of beating Shiro in the boyfriend department.

He’s a little preoccupied with a certain hot-headed noiret anyway.

“Soooo Keith!” Lance says in an endeavor to take charge of the situation. “Tú, yo, y mi cama más tarde, hermoso?”

Hunk gasps, looking positively scandalized. “Lance, you dirty devil!” 

Keith has an air of confusion to him as he frantically asks what that meant. Hunk shakes his head in disappointment and leaves, but Lance knows it’s all for show. It’s just him and Keith now.

“No, seriously, what did you say?” 

“You really wanna know?” Lance asks, clearly baiting Keith. Keith falls for it anyway, hook, line, and sinker. He pauses for a few moments to add to to the dramatic tension, letting Keith simmer in his own agitation. “You, me, and my bed later, gorgeous?”

Keith groans, sliding down in his chair until his head thumps on the back of it. “Fuck you.”

“I mean, that’s what I’m kinda wanting you to do now…” Lance snickers. Keith turns an ungodly shade of red, rivaling only the hue of his lion, as he bangs his chair away from the table. He jets off again, muttering something about stupid inconsiderate assholes.

He’ll come around eventually. With that thought, Lance yells out an _‘I love you’_ in Spanish, hoping Keith heard it before he traipses to the area where his lion was held. Some good old-fashioned racing through space should help him think about further ways to get into Keith’s pants and his heart.

So far, all the red paladin had done was insult him and flee from him, which yes, is normal Keith behavior, but he’s gotta crack sooner or later. Or so he hopes.

-

_Step 4.) Make him jealous by flirting with hot alien babes._

-

Lance doesn’t get to execute this step for _weeks_ , due to the lack of actual hot alien babes to be hit on. He was this close to giving up and going back to his old ways of pining after Allura while Keith was in his immediate vicinity.

And then he meets Lotor.

Charming, tall Lotor who originated in Galra but, uh. Nobody’s perfect. The point is, Lotor qualifies as a hot alien babe.

He actually responds to Lance’s cheesy pick-up lines too! He’s the whole package if you ask Lance. He takes care to rant dreamily to Hunk about Lotor, who takes it all in stride and heavy sighs because he’d rather be concocting new creations in the kitchen. Every time he does so, he pays special attention to Keith out of the corner of his eye.

The first three times, Keith looks indifferent. This is Lance’s last chance to win the red paladin over, and what does he get? Carefully indifferent shrugs. _Fuck_ Keith Kogane, seriously.

But then, Lance gets lucky. _Extraordinarily_ lucky. So lucky, he doesn’t know what to do with himself.

It originally started off with another conversation about Lotor’s _super buff muscles_ to a vaguely uncomfortable Hunk and culminates in a seething Keith.

“If I hear you mention Prince _goddamn_ Lotor’s name one more fucking time, I swear to God I’m gonna _snap_ your _fucking_ neck! Lotor this, Lotor that, I’ve barely met the guy and I already know way too much about the dick. _Shut_ the _fuck_ up about fucking Lotor already!” Keith screams, steam practically emanating from his ears.

Hunk and Lance stare at him in wide-open horror (Keith almost never swears, but he said fuck four times in one rant! A new record), Lance’s mouth falling open of its own volition. He locks gazes with Keith’s heaving form for _one, two, three_  ticks before Keith stomps his foot angrily and bolts, presumably, to the training deck.

He and Hunk exchange a few lightning fast looks, Hunk’s being _‘what was that all about’_ and Lance’s being _‘guess who just snagged themselves a man’_. He leaves the yellow paladin’s side to attend to Keith, humming a happy tune under his breath as he wanders along the corridors.

He finds Keith beating the ever-living shit out of the Gladiator, long mullet tied up into a cute ponytail. Lance wants to _tug_ it.

“Hey, Keithy!” Lance laughs, shit-eating grin nestling itself into his face. He can’t help it; His plan finally succeeded! The aforementioned boy does nothing but continue to pummel the simulated opponent.

Now’s probably an excellent time to carry on with step 5.

- 

 _Step 5.) Confess his undying love to Keith._  

- 

“Can we talk?” asks Lance, sliding back until he meets the hard wall’s surface behind him.

“I’d rather not,” Keith says lowly, kicking the ground frustratedly.

“Keith, _es muy_ importante _!_ ” 

He hums in response, letting Lance know he was supposed to elaborate his line of thought. It turns out that rom-coms make confessing appear so much damn easier, because every time Lance opens his fat mouth, he snaps it closed after a few embarrassed squeaks. 

Fuck.

Keith’s staring at him now, lips pulled down in concern, why can’t he say it?! Hitting on Allura was infinitely easier than this, he swears. 

“We should gay,” blurts Lance weakly after his mind ceases any kind of productivity. The red paladin snorts, then full-belly chuckles. Lance’s current level of redness matches Keith’s lion better than Keith’s face ever did, and he promptly wishes for a swift and justified death.

_Pidge, if you’re hearing this, end my existence through the air! Please!!!!_

Pidge does not reply to his mental pleas for help. She is a _terrible friend._  

“We should _what_?!” Keith barks out after he’s reduced to tears of laughter. Lance would be able to appreciate his braying if he wasn’t preoccupied with making an absolute _idiot_ out of himself.

He finally gets with the program and grasps onto Keith’s shoulder, then whirls him around to slam against the wall. It doesn’t carry out as well as he originally hoped, but his action shuts the other up at least. This is it, Lance’s second chance.

“You, me, and my bed later, gorgeous?” He repeats from earlier, smirking down at his shorter companion. God, this would’ve had such a better effect if he had a rose in his mouth. Where do you buy roses in space anyway? He was totally going to be Keith’s shining Spanish soap opera protagonist, but that idea’s been shot to hell. 

“You— what?” Keith isn’t laughing anymore, but that rosy blush is back in its rightful place on his cheeks. Lance doesn’t reply, instead opting to align their mouths in a slightly off-centered kiss. He’ll either get shoved to the floor or kissed back.

He is, to his delight, not pushed away. In fact, Keith reciprocates rather quickly. He coaxes Lance’s mouth open with a darting tongue, digits sneaking upwards to interweave themselves through the blue paladin’s admittedly silky hair.

They break off with a wet _pop_ , Lance wondering if he looks the same as Keith right now (as in, thoroughly debauched), and Keith blinking dumbly.

“You don’t know how long I’ve been wanting you to do that,” states Keith rather breathlessly. Lance grins, full out grins, and runs a shaky hand through the same hair the other boy had been gripping earlier.

“You don’t know how long I’ve been wanting to do that,” counters Lance. There’s a beat of comfortable silence before Keith tugs his jacket collar down, and swipes his tongue over Lance’s lips (he must have a huge thing for French kissing, Lance muses). His hand rubs small circles on his hip in a satisfying manner, and damn if Lance doesn’t want to spend the rest of his evening in this exact spot.

One (or two, technically. And hopefully many more) small kiss for man, one giant leap for gaying it up all over the castle ship! Or so the saying goes.

**Author's Note:**

> this started off as a writing exercise but then i went ~slightly~ overboard with cliches and this happened. yikes.


End file.
